Interview with Paul Kelly
Q. Paul, thank you so much for taking time out from your busy schedule of murder, mayhem and madness to spend some quality time together. I see that you’ve brought along your trusty pocket-sickle. Could you explain how that works?
A. I had it custom made in Germany, where they still know a thing or two about craftsmanship and cruelty. As you can see, the long semicircular blade is hinged in two places and attached to a stainless-steel handle with a 360-degree rotational swivel joint, so I can open it with one swift whip-crack motion, whereupon hidden metal dowels lock all the hinges in place. Here let me demonstrate: Cachhhhhing!
Q. That’s a…very nasty piece of metal. I suppose that could really cause some damage.
A. Yes, quite a few people have lost their heads when confronted with such a formidable weapon. By the way, here’s a little-known fact about beheadings…little known, that is, to anyone who wasn’t around during the Reign of Terror. There’s enough oxygen left in the brain after a particularly swift decapitation, let’s say from a guillotine during that aforementioned terrible time, or my own modest invention here, that the head remains not only conscious for a considerable period, but also acutely aware of his surroundings. You can look into his eyes…and they look back. Better yet, you can even ask him questions. And here’s another little secret that I daresay you couldn’t learn from any other person on the planet: they almost always answer you. Oh, the stories I could tell you! The things that I have learned!
Q. Death seems to be a major preoccupation of yours. Why the big interest in mortality?
A. I suppose you could say I’m a scientist, and my particular area of interest is pain…and death. The greatest mystery of life isdeath. What force engineered this necessity? What is this thing we call ‘food’? We eat life. And we eat it every single day. Why does life require life to feed it? What are we making when we reproduce? What story is the DNA telling? What are we struggling to become?
Q: And you claim to have the answers?
A: I don’t make claims. I make widows and orphans. The mystery of death is shrouded in fear. We fear it so terribly today because no one comes face to face with death anymore. Back in the old days, people didn’t make such fuss. They didn’t put their noses up in the air each time someone lost their head. Death was everywhere! It was all out in the open. People would fill the public squares for a beheading. Torture was a science. An art! The bravest saints would know the rapture that awaited them when their final breath was torn away. There wasn’t the slightest pretense we were any better than that. Now we have marches and rock concerts and petitions to stop it! And slaughterhouses and food factories that hide it! Wrap it up on a Styrofoam dish! Microwave it! We pretend death is everywhere, except here! But death is here. Now. In this very room, watching us. And death has many secrets to share.
Q: What secrets?
A: There are three ways to learn about death. The first is by talking about it, which leads to no real comprehension. The second is by watching it…and I can see by the look on your face that you’ve never had the privilege of that most noble of all experiences. The third and by far most effective route…is by causing it.
Q: That’s horrible!
A: It’s hard for me to remember now, but I had misgivings too when I was your age. Then I learned the folly of my ways and by hook and crook, I claimed my destiny.
Q: Destiny. That’s another major theme of yours. You seem to have quite an inflated opinion of your own importance. There’s nothing Christ-like about you sir, yet it seems as if you think of yourself as some kind of messiah. Is that true, do you think you’re actually the Chosen One?
A: An Té atá Tofa. The One who has been Chosen. Yeshua was so convinced that he was the chosen one. Well, he was, but not the first. There’s such a thing as seniority. Still, I think he said it best when Pilate popped the question. ‘It is as you say.’
Short and sweet.
Q: So what is this all-important destiny of yours? What exactly are you trying to do?
A: Not do. Become. Even if I’d never been born or chosen or filled with the spirit—The Becoming will still occur. It was ordained by the prophecy 6,000 years ago. The Singularity will set the stage, and very shortly afterward, the Intelligence will become fully manifest. There’s nothing in this or any universe that can stop that from happening. It is the irresistible intent of the Intelligence—the point, the sole point of everything that has ever existed. To facilitate the proper outcome of this event is what we have dedicated our lives and our deaths to since the building of the first Tower in Babylon—and the Great Wheel beneath its foundations. Our enemies have tried to steer the Intelligence in their favor, convinced that their path is the only true course to victory. But regardless of what they do or believe, or what we do or believe, The Becoming will still occur. The only questions that remain are when and where and how and most importantly to me…who.
A: Yes, who. If there’s a God to be born darlin’…he’ll surely be holding the Book.”
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