The 51st Shade – Gray Interviewed by Chris McC

I was offered this opportunity to interview one of my characters…any of them, really.  Quite unique to interview your own creation, really…in a sense it is like interviewing your own child, just a bit wackier.

So, I first picked the coffee shop where I would do it.  I picked a quaint little place…no, not a chain…in an area of Toronto called Yorkdale.  Better I do it somewhere very public in case things go south.

The next part was whom I would invite to join me.  So many to choose from, and yet I knew immediately whom it had to be.  Having killed him off, it could only be Gray…

When he walked into the place, his hair and whiskers were their usual salt and pepper but a bit longer and scruffier.  His Levis were black and his black tee-shirt was tight enough to show off his muscular frame.  He sat down across the table from me and scanned around the room with concern to see if anyone was watching.  His blue eyes finally rested on me with a glare that would have cut through bricks…

Gray – Why could you not have chosen one of the women?  Dude, this is awkward.

Me – Nice to see you, too.  I figured you and I had not talked in a long time.  It has been more than a year now.  How have you been?

Gray – Dead, thanks to you.  How are you?

Me – I am good.  Still writing.

Gray – That is great to hear.  So why did you kill me off?  Now, don’t get me wrong, you killed me off while I was getting laid, and I can appreciate that…but why?

Me – It just seemed a good time for you to go.

Gray – And it was, but I didn’t want to go.

Me – So what have you been doing?

Gray – What do you think I’ve been doing?  I’ve been trying to figure a way out for you to resurrect me.

Me – Now why would I want to do that?

Gray – Dude, it’s me.

Me – What? Are you like Han Solo or something?

Gray – Yeah, only better.   I wish you’d send me back to Australia.  That was an awesome trip.

Me – That was the trip that you accidentally slept with the sister of the woman you traveled there to meet.

Gray – There’s no accidents, I tell ya.  Alex, my twin brother…you remember Alex, right?

Me – Of course.

Gray – He was so pissed off when he realized I got the wrong twin.  He was even more upset when he found out I got both of them.

Me – I bet.  What about the photo session?

Gray – Oh, man, I forgot about that one.  Takes some kind of lady’s man to get two gorgeous women to do a shoot like that.

Me – That or a wad of cash.

Gray – I just wish the blasted camera had worked…and that they hadn’t both left before I got undressed.

Me – Lady’s man?

Gray – Hey, I had a lot of gorgeous women.

Me – Yeah, I recall a blonde you met when you lost the bet.

Gray – She was envious, man.  She got one look at this naked physique and she wanted it.

Me – Even with the shrivel factor of sub-freezing temperatures.

Gray – I should have killed Grace for that.  That was bloody cold and unfair.

Me – Why did you not end up with Grace?

Gray – You killed me, remember?  She was awesome, though.  She really was not the type I ever expected to be with.  She always reminded me of Bailey from WKRP.  Was that who you had in mind for her?

Me – Not initially but she evolved that way.  She was missing the glasses, though.

Gray – Yeah, Bailey and Jennifer on that show were like an 80s version of Marianne and Ginger.  Grace was not the statuesque blonde I figured I should be with…but I did love her.  Just never realized it until…

Me – Until?

Gray – I guess I just didn’t see the end coming.  I was so busy thinking with my little head and ego that I missed the bigger picture.  Then you go all Joss Whedon on my ass and kill off a main character…you bastard.

Me – So if I were to resurrect you, what would you do differently this time?

Gray – For one, I would finish university.  Truth is picking up garbage might be great for the physique, but it really doesn’t do much for the image.  I always wanted to get into film production.

Me – That would be fantastic.

Gray – Yeah, like that other character you had.  Always wish you did a cross over story with me and that guy Director Jake.  I thought he was brilliant.

Me – Oh, so by film you mean…

Gray – I would love to shoot porn.

Me – Of course you would.  What would Grace think?

Gray – She’d never let me.  Truth is, I’d love it if you’d write her and I into a real romantic erotic piece.  That would be perfect.

Me – She’s really not the erotic type leading lady, though.

Gray – Dude, who are you kidding?  All your characters are flawed, and she would fit that perfectly.

Me – Perhaps she would.

Gray – Do me a favour though.

Me – What’s that?

Gray – If you do bring me back, don’t put me in any more stories with that chump Cliff.  He scares me with his dreams.

Me – No promises.

Gray – Is it odd that I have a Duncan Sheik tune in my head?

Me – Which one?

Gray – I’m not sure.  There is this line in it that goes: “We won’t say anything, we are ghosts, we just sing…”

Me – Great song, that one.  “Take a Bow” from his last album…oddly appropriate for you, speaking of flawed heroes.

Grey – Hero?  Not sure I’ve ever thought of myself that way.  I suppose if all of this has taught me anything it is that I should love…I should sing…

Me – That’s another line from the song, you dolt.

Grey – Oh, sorry…damn, this coffee is cold.  They don’t serve beer here, do they?


About the Author

“Stranded in Toronto” is a pen name used by Chris McC.  Chris is a third generation Canadian originally from Calgary, Alberta, Canada.  For the last 27 years, he has been living in the far west end of the Greater Toronto Area, known as Peel Region (go Steelheads!).  He is a divorced father of two daughters.  His job of selling wood (literally) is only meant to fund his nasty writing habit.  He has published short stories in erotica, science fiction and humour; as well as writing a weekly column on celebrity atheists.  Outside of the writing, his spare time is spent reading, playing with the daughters on PS3, and wandering the Twitterverse.  He also has an obscene music collection that centers on the works of Rush and the Foo Fighters which is usually turned up REALLY LOUD while the writing process is underway.

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The Gray Series: